The thing is, it worries me.
What if I fail even before everything starts? Or I fail in the midst of it? Or I realize that it might be something I want, but something I’m not capable of having? It worries me about how things are not supposed to be complicated, but they are for me. I could have chosen the easier way around, but I wanted to push myself hard against the wall dividing my comfort zone, and my possibly dangerous freedom… but at the same time the thing that I wanted better. Yknow, some things cannot be reached by just staying in your comfort zone, sometimes you actually need to get yourself together and put some effort in the things you do. I learned that the hard way. I am throwing away what I’ve started despite that it isn’t really fucked up, I just don’t want it anymore. I want to have the best that I could. As long as it is possible, then I shall grab my chance on it. The process makes me frown, and there’s even no assurance that I will be able to complete this whole jump. But I’m willing to take it, I will take it. This is not for anyone else, this is for myself. I need to get the best for myself or else no one else will.
I hate you. I hate you for always bringing me down. I hate you for not believing in me. I hate that you want proof because you want to mock me. I hate you to death. I can show you proof. Anytime. If you want me to shove it to your throat then I would. But the fact that you still need proof, because you don’t believe me and the things that I could do hurts. It would always hurt me like how you managed to pull an insult to a supposedly positive remark. You never believed in what I could do, you never made me feel happy. It’s with you that I’ve always felt so insecure. Never will I share anything about my life to you. Ever.
It was high time I knew his secret. He had been keeping it to me for so many months, years even, and I hadn’t noticed - the glitter in his eyes, the blissful smile, the glowing look. I just couldn’t notice it. And then one night, he blurted it out. Me, in front of him and surrounded by so many unfamiliar people. “Because I love you.” It was all too sudden, too shocking, and the words were terrifying. Maybe it’s just the recklessness of the honest person in him or maybe he was just too human to feel it and say what his heart and mind had been hiding. And then it hit me, the kind of way when someone was hiding behind a door and jumping out to scare the daylights out of you, I was in love with him, too.
I gave my watch a new life. Lol. Still thinking if I should add more rhinestones. #watch #diy #flikflak #rhinestones #hellokitty
You guys never get my point straight. And I can’t blame you, because I don’t point them out straight either.